we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
