So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
