She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
