It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I faked an abortion last night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
