No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
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Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
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OPIZZABONMYDICK
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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