capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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