M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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