it was like eating out sand paper
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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