I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize