How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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