Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I need to calm my uterus...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
