just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
