Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
