awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Randomize
