No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
