how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
