Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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