bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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