Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize