My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
