i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
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1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
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He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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