she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
