all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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