I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
