This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
