I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
