I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
