I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
