with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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