There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
