I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
