I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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