guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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