i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
