I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
