you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
