I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
