All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
