he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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