he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
