No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize