It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
