Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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