So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
