Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
