Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
