My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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