You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
