would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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