But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
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Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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