I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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