my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize