We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
