I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
