hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
