i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
