its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
