The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
