There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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