I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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