Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
