Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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